fromthemouthofmoi

Moira. There are only a few given names that one can use playing Words With Friends -- Moira is one such name. Moira means fate, destiny. Moirai, The Fates: Clotho, the Spinner, Lachesis, the Allotter and Atropos, the Unturnable. In Greek mythology they were above all other Gods. Clotho holds a distaff in her hand, Lachesis, a spindle, and dear Atropos wields a scissor. From inception Clotho spins your upcoming life, Lachesis weaves the life you are to lead, and Atropos ends your life. Neither sister can interfere with the work of the others. They are the women that decide your destiny. Your fate. The Fates have been good to me. They gave me friends, and enough to eat, after much time they gave me a house to call my own. I've had endless laughter, and the tears and agony they gave me always had an exit I could find. Those three sisters gave me a rollercoaster of a ride!  When I arrived in Mexico it was the very first time anyone could ever, upon seeing my name written, pronounce my...

Decades ago I had my uterus out. It was riddled with huge fibroids and I bled constantly. My uterus had been a nightmare for me. I have no regrets that it is no longer providing me with pain. Before surgery I asked my doctor if I could have it once it was removed. She game me an emphatic, No. I then asked her if she would at least take a picture of it and to this she agreed. I never thought about why I wanted it so persistently until the other day, when speaking with Sue, she asked me what it meant to me to have a picture. I was quick to answer: Because it was a part of me and I wanted my parts with me. I wanted to see what had buggered me for so many years. It was mine and not the property of a hospital.  I demand to be whole. I want to be whole. I want to leave this world whole. I want my bits with me when I go. I've heard from enough professionals that any treatment I might engage in will not leave me with any quality time worth the effort. I have no intentions of having my guts...

Nil has encouraged me to come back here. I haven't felt like writing here for ages. In some ways, I guess, I know that some of what I might write will be some of the last things I write and that sort of tangles me up a bit because it creates a type of writers stage fright. I think these remaining posts will just be less focused.  There are things I want to write to my brothers, final things, that I'm not looking for a response to. It's just what I wish for them. I feel like I'm leaving them in a mess, not my mess mind you, but a mess created by our mother, that once learned as children, they can't seem to unlearn the dynamic. My family behaves like that television series Succession. A quagmire of competition, resentment and secrets. My eldest brother once filmed our mother, and asked her why she had so many kids. On film her reply was that she wanted us to have someone to talk to. Her example given, if I remember correctly, was something along the lines of: You know...