fromthemouthofmoi

My skin no longer fits well The people around me seem too small I'm uncomfortable I feel impeded, and kept back by those Who are lame, confused, blissfully ignorant. There are those that spend too much time telling others they are wrong They are not right either, Everyone holds another truth Let it go, let it be You will still be ok, if you don't win this hand All this stuff I have I want it to go Let it be in other homes reminding others of me I want space to think clearly, A place that reminds me of the sea I want to line up my stones and give each a name Skipping them on water, one by one Never to be seen again.

I have recently come full circle. I have returned to where I began. I took notes for the last 50 years insuring I had records I could return to should I forget. What took years to understand, I understand. What I had no words for, no right to, no power against, I stand today with a straight spine. I learned my lessons well. I am ready for death. What is a life? Is it time well spent? Is it spent consciously? Or do we spend it unconsciously hoping for the best? I came full circle returning to what I knew best. I returned with lingering melancholia and an ever present lachrymose air. I returned looking, testing, hoping to see, wanting to see, if things had changed. They have. I returned with a strength I once did not have. I returned knowing I did not have to stay. I returned with the full knowledge that it was you and never me. That gem I tend to like large diamonds clutched close to my chest. I feel serene as if glowing with the accumulation of all things ancient and beautiful. I ...

I have thought about this rut I am in and all it has felt like is a swamp of sorts. Like I am stuck in the mud: breathing but unable to move freely. What causes my unhappiness I ask myself, and most days I simply don't know. And then suddenly, I know. But then the next hurdle becomes: What do I do about it? And again I am thrown back to: I do not know. I want easy answers, quick ones in fact, but I have known this feeling before. And when I take time to listen and think, listen and think, I know I will come out the other side feeling clear. So I have begun looking for other places to live. I have begun looking for other people to talk to who have ideas about things that I know nothing about. I am gathering information. I am sure my journey has not ended here. I know brown faces are in my future. I know teaching is too. I know my blog is for what can be shared and that journals must be begun again for that which can't be shared. I am reaching towards the unknown sure that wh...