Mallory Ortberg's Response To My Question Concerning The Etiquette of Expats Living In Mexico

Mallory Ortberg is the advice columnist for the Dear Prudence advice column in SLATE online. The day after the 2016 election night, I posed a question for her Monday November 14th, 2016 Live Chat Forum. Here is my original question, unedited by Slate, and Ms. Ortberg's response. The forum in its entirety can be found here. I do suspect however that once it goes out to email subscribers, it will be in a different format but the date (November 14, 2016) will remain intact and one will be able to Google it by date. This post emanates from this post.

Question11:18 AM

Subject: Etiquette for expats
I am a former New Yorker living in Mexico and I went to my local bar to watch the election proceedings. I am of African American descent. When I arrived, the bar was filled with 99% white expats (and me) as customers eating and drinking and the entire wait staff was Mexican. Each time Trump won a state there were people who high-fived and were vocal in their joy. Trump is not someone Mexicans don't know about and they are quite aware of the bullshit he's said about Mexico and Mexicans. While I am aware that election night is sort of like The Super Bowl of politics I was absolutely devastated, floored, mortified and horrified that in front of Mexicans one would cheer a president who has openly said despicable things about Mexico and Mexicans. When it was obvious who won the bar emptied and I went to sit at the bar itself and asked one of the bartenders how she felt about that night. I thought she was going to cry. We had a good conversation, but my question is: What should one have done in this situation? Every idea I've come up with involves my getting a punch in the face. Please include what a bystander might do too. Aside from not voting for or admitting you voted for Trump what would have been the proper thing to do? It never occurred to me that anyone living here was voting for Trump. Why move to Mexico if you detest Mexicans? Thank you and no, this is not a joke.

Mallory Ortberg11:38 AM

What a remarkable failure in empathy you were witness to – to travel to Mexico, then loudly rejoice at the victory of a political movement that makes daily life less safe for Mexican-Americans (not to mention anyone perceived to be Mexican-American). I think in situations like the one you described, there are two important balances to strike. One is your personal safety, particularly your safety as a black woman in the midst of a deeply racist political moment. I do not want you to get punched in the face, and I do not think you are obligated to put yourself in a situation where you have reason to fear violence; in such instances, your primary obligation is to yourself and your own well-being. As for your more general question – what should any given bystander do in such situations – whenever possible, and when doing so does not run the risk of incurring violence, I think it is important to challenge racism when one is faced with it, particularly if one is white. What you did that night – reading the moment, experiencing grief, keeping your own safety in mind given that you were a black woman faced with a gleeful white mob, checking in with another vulnerable person afterwards and offering a compassionate ear – was exactly right for your situation.

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