fromthemouthofmoi

To Robert DeNiro: "Why does this steak have so much pepper?" (I was young. I'd never had steak au poivre before). To Bert Padell: "Burt who?" Over the inter office telephone. I was new at the job and was harassed about not asking for last names of callers. He screamed so loud into the phone that I was unable to catch his last name so I said: I'm sorry could you repeat that? I didn't catch your name. I did this about five more times because I couldn't remember his name and his office was about a quarter of a mile away from my desk and I'd never seen him. Burt was The Boss. I was working for Seymour & Strauss, a sub-division of Padell Nadell. Two minutes later Burt was at my desk screaming about the idiot that didn't know who he was, thus forcing him to leave his office for a face to face. After that Burt began calling my line specifically. All I can tell you is that he would call, whisper into the phone and begin to tell me the mos...

I need to remind myself today of the qualities that make me wonderful. My friend hung up the phone with me last night and said: Take care of you. I lied to her and said I would. I lied because I really wasn't sure how to do that. What does it mean? I googled the phrase: How To Take Care Of Yourself and believe it or not there are concrete things I can do. The most prominent one that seemed to come up most often was to sit down and write a list of what makes you (me) unique and wonderful. My first reaction to that was: Come on… you must be kidding but then I realized that I had never made such a list or even thought about what qualities I might have that are worthy of respect, love and the love of a good person. So here I go I am loyal. I will stay by your side forever as long as I am treated well. You don't have to agree with me or share my interests, but I will be your friend forever. I will even remain your friend when you need to go away and not talk to me for awhile...

I want to talk to you about my uterus.. We're allowed to talk about the diarrhea we suffer from, the gas causing an endless stream of farts strong enough to propel one around the house. I can whine about my heart, my agita, my head, my sex life. Activities performed by the vagina are OK too. We can talk about sex, vaginal infections but no one ever really talks about the what happens to the vagina as we age. When I was wee I bled like a lamb sliced for slaughter. My very first period had me over the toilet vomiting for my own death. Making it worse was the fact that I was wee eons before the invention of a sanitary napkin held nicely in place by a sticky strip. Tampons were around, but if you were Catholic (like me), or of some other like mind, you were forbidden to use tampons because their were perceived as possibly leaving your hymen no longer intact or giving you ideas about all the other things you might want to put in your vagina. They were little penises in some people...