To Robert DeNiro: "Why does this steak have so much pepper?"
(I was young. I'd never had steak au poivre before).
To Bert Padell: "Burt who?"
Over the inter office telephone. I was new at the job and was harassed about not asking for last names of callers. He screamed so loud into the phone that I was unable to catch his last name so I said: I'm sorry could you repeat that? I didn't catch your name. I did this about five more times because I couldn't remember his name and his office was about a quarter of a mile away from my desk and I'd never seen him.
Burt was The Boss. I was working for Seymour & Strauss, a sub-division of Padell Nadell. Two minutes later Burt was at my desk screaming about the idiot that didn't know who he was, thus forcing him to leave his office for a face to face. After that Burt began calling my line specifically. All I can tell you is that he would call, whisper into the phone and begin to tell me the most obscene, derogatory, insulting shit, half of it in Yiddish, about what he really had on his mind. This would cause me to roll with laughter which in turn would cause either Seymour or Strauss to exit their office to come look at me wondering why the call hadn't been put through. S or the other S would be hand signaling me to ask: Who's on the phone and I would be in tears unable to say: The call is for you. I think they thought I was taking personal calls.
On Christmas Eve Seymour & Strauss fired me. On December 26th Burt personally called me up at home to hire me across the floor from S&S with Frank. Burt is a gem).
To David Byrne: "Shall I tell them Keith Hernandez is here?"
(A coworker was standing behind him making wild gestures. This same co-worker was nuts about Keith Hernandez, endlessly going on about him, and I just assumed it was him). Byrne was not amused. Tell Burt I am here. They assume you know who the feck they are. Some I knew. Some I didn't.
To Sherman Hemsley: "I'm sorry, I thought you were my neighbour. I was expecting my neighbour".
(Mr. Hemsely didn't actually hear the comment, his manager did and then repeated it to Mr. Hemsley because he thought it was so funny. Mr. Hemsley then looked up, and me feeling mortified said: I'm sorry, I thought you were my neighbour. You look so familiar to me). I had watched The Jefferson's forever and he was so familiar to me that he seemed like family. My brain just saw him as part of the landscape.
To Sally Kirkland: "There is no one here by that name".
(I hung up on her probably five times because her accountant spelled his name 'Karl' rather than 'Carl' and I could not find it on the list. She kept calling back and I kept saying: There is no one here by that name and I continued to hang up on her. (There was a list of about 100 people or more -first name only-,that I was scrolling through). I got reamed for that faux pas.
To Deborah Harry: "It sounds like someone tied one on last night".
I had entered a bathroom stall when I heard someone vomiting in another stall. When she emerged it was obvious to me she was not feeling well. I offered and then went and got her some chicken soup.
To my neighbour: At least your kid isn't on Ritalin. I found out rather quickly that that he was.
To my supervisor: You need to back up and leave me alone. Yeah, I got drug into her office but I left with us both laughing. We were doing a training testing out interview software and her goal at the time was to get us to conduct interview under an hour and she was exhibiting dominatrix qualities to motivate us. I snapped.
I've said all kinds of ridiculous things in my life most of which I find quite humorous with the exception being when I have hurt some one's feelings. I think my personality is such that I don't get caught up in the potential hype of a given situation. I had taken on the job working with celebrities having come from Bellevue Hospital virology clinic. A patient had convinced me that I was working in a depressing field and i should go work elsewhere where i might have fun. What transpired was that working with celebrities struck me as a really dumb job. It seemed to me that all anyone really did there was cater to people who needed constant adulation. I eventually returned to virology because I was good at what I did and people needed me there. Celebrities, I felt, just needed groupies and that, in my mind, made it a job for anyone seeking a bit of fame for themselves solely by their proximity to someone else.
I did meet one celebrity there whom I did became friends with and remained friends with until his death. Herbert Khaury (Tiny Tim) was a dear friend of mine. He had to sit and wait for his manager in a chair right in front of my desk. I can't recall what I said to him to put him at ease but it was probably something like: Who are you? Or some other such piece of bullshit to catch him off guard. We were both from Inwood, NYC and I am sure I related to our commonality rather that his fame. He was a very sensitive man as well as being eccentric. He was incredibly kind. His appearance was something that caused people to stare often and he was sensitive about being stared at. By the end of our conversation he had invited me over to his home t give me a facial. I had acne at the time and he said he had a solution. He cleared up my acne. we went to Woolworth's together where he purchased a jar of Hollywood Extra, Jergens cold cream and witch hazel. We then went to Macy's where he purchased a tube of cleansing grains. We returned to his apartment on 72nd Street and he gave me a facial. He sent me home instructing me to do the routine twice a day if not more. Within a month my skin had noticeably cleared. On my thirtieth birthday he arrived at my job in a limo and took me to some club he was performing at. Once there he stopped his performance and sang happy birthday to me after introducing me to the audience. That night when he introduced me he told the audience that I was the famous writer, Moira Boyd. I laugh now because back then I don't think I was writing like I do now. He was an incredibly supportive and encouraging person to all sorts of people. He took me to all sorts of places and on one special night he came to the Bronx where I was living with my Godmother, Mrs. Dorman, and he got her to sing some church song which he knew and the two of them sang together. He and I sang together as well and some of the tunes we sang were later put on an album he recorded. He was gentle, sensitive and kind. Many people think of him and I am sure they don't imagine him to have been this way. I had a answering machine filled with messages from him calling me from wherever he might be at any given moment. He would often give himself different personas and names when he left messages but he has such a distinct voice that one always knew it was him. He was a musicologist and could give you the composer, date and recording artist of almost any song written before 1950. He is perhaps best known for his marriage to Miss Vicky and his one hit wonder Tip-Toe Through The Tulips which he sang in falsetto. But what most people don't realize, nor have they heard, is that he had the most gorgeous baritone voice one could imagine. I often wondered why he didn't sing in his natural voice as I felt he might have had more commercial success had he done so.
That celebrity I do miss. He was a good egg.
(I was young. I'd never had steak au poivre before).
To Bert Padell: "Burt who?"
Over the inter office telephone. I was new at the job and was harassed about not asking for last names of callers. He screamed so loud into the phone that I was unable to catch his last name so I said: I'm sorry could you repeat that? I didn't catch your name. I did this about five more times because I couldn't remember his name and his office was about a quarter of a mile away from my desk and I'd never seen him.
Burt was The Boss. I was working for Seymour & Strauss, a sub-division of Padell Nadell. Two minutes later Burt was at my desk screaming about the idiot that didn't know who he was, thus forcing him to leave his office for a face to face. After that Burt began calling my line specifically. All I can tell you is that he would call, whisper into the phone and begin to tell me the most obscene, derogatory, insulting shit, half of it in Yiddish, about what he really had on his mind. This would cause me to roll with laughter which in turn would cause either Seymour or Strauss to exit their office to come look at me wondering why the call hadn't been put through. S or the other S would be hand signaling me to ask: Who's on the phone and I would be in tears unable to say: The call is for you. I think they thought I was taking personal calls.
On Christmas Eve Seymour & Strauss fired me. On December 26th Burt personally called me up at home to hire me across the floor from S&S with Frank. Burt is a gem).
To David Byrne: "Shall I tell them Keith Hernandez is here?"
(A coworker was standing behind him making wild gestures. This same co-worker was nuts about Keith Hernandez, endlessly going on about him, and I just assumed it was him). Byrne was not amused. Tell Burt I am here. They assume you know who the feck they are. Some I knew. Some I didn't.
To Sherman Hemsley: "I'm sorry, I thought you were my neighbour. I was expecting my neighbour".
(Mr. Hemsely didn't actually hear the comment, his manager did and then repeated it to Mr. Hemsley because he thought it was so funny. Mr. Hemsley then looked up, and me feeling mortified said: I'm sorry, I thought you were my neighbour. You look so familiar to me). I had watched The Jefferson's forever and he was so familiar to me that he seemed like family. My brain just saw him as part of the landscape.
To Sally Kirkland: "There is no one here by that name".
(I hung up on her probably five times because her accountant spelled his name 'Karl' rather than 'Carl' and I could not find it on the list. She kept calling back and I kept saying: There is no one here by that name and I continued to hang up on her. (There was a list of about 100 people or more -first name only-,that I was scrolling through). I got reamed for that faux pas.
To Deborah Harry: "It sounds like someone tied one on last night".
I had entered a bathroom stall when I heard someone vomiting in another stall. When she emerged it was obvious to me she was not feeling well. I offered and then went and got her some chicken soup.
To my neighbour: At least your kid isn't on Ritalin. I found out rather quickly that that he was.
To my supervisor: You need to back up and leave me alone. Yeah, I got drug into her office but I left with us both laughing. We were doing a training testing out interview software and her goal at the time was to get us to conduct interview under an hour and she was exhibiting dominatrix qualities to motivate us. I snapped.
I've said all kinds of ridiculous things in my life most of which I find quite humorous with the exception being when I have hurt some one's feelings. I think my personality is such that I don't get caught up in the potential hype of a given situation. I had taken on the job working with celebrities having come from Bellevue Hospital virology clinic. A patient had convinced me that I was working in a depressing field and i should go work elsewhere where i might have fun. What transpired was that working with celebrities struck me as a really dumb job. It seemed to me that all anyone really did there was cater to people who needed constant adulation. I eventually returned to virology because I was good at what I did and people needed me there. Celebrities, I felt, just needed groupies and that, in my mind, made it a job for anyone seeking a bit of fame for themselves solely by their proximity to someone else.
I did meet one celebrity there whom I did became friends with and remained friends with until his death. Herbert Khaury (Tiny Tim) was a dear friend of mine. He had to sit and wait for his manager in a chair right in front of my desk. I can't recall what I said to him to put him at ease but it was probably something like: Who are you? Or some other such piece of bullshit to catch him off guard. We were both from Inwood, NYC and I am sure I related to our commonality rather that his fame. He was a very sensitive man as well as being eccentric. He was incredibly kind. His appearance was something that caused people to stare often and he was sensitive about being stared at. By the end of our conversation he had invited me over to his home t give me a facial. I had acne at the time and he said he had a solution. He cleared up my acne. we went to Woolworth's together where he purchased a jar of Hollywood Extra, Jergens cold cream and witch hazel. We then went to Macy's where he purchased a tube of cleansing grains. We returned to his apartment on 72nd Street and he gave me a facial. He sent me home instructing me to do the routine twice a day if not more. Within a month my skin had noticeably cleared. On my thirtieth birthday he arrived at my job in a limo and took me to some club he was performing at. Once there he stopped his performance and sang happy birthday to me after introducing me to the audience. That night when he introduced me he told the audience that I was the famous writer, Moira Boyd. I laugh now because back then I don't think I was writing like I do now. He was an incredibly supportive and encouraging person to all sorts of people. He took me to all sorts of places and on one special night he came to the Bronx where I was living with my Godmother, Mrs. Dorman, and he got her to sing some church song which he knew and the two of them sang together. He and I sang together as well and some of the tunes we sang were later put on an album he recorded. He was gentle, sensitive and kind. Many people think of him and I am sure they don't imagine him to have been this way. I had a answering machine filled with messages from him calling me from wherever he might be at any given moment. He would often give himself different personas and names when he left messages but he has such a distinct voice that one always knew it was him. He was a musicologist and could give you the composer, date and recording artist of almost any song written before 1950. He is perhaps best known for his marriage to Miss Vicky and his one hit wonder Tip-Toe Through The Tulips which he sang in falsetto. But what most people don't realize, nor have they heard, is that he had the most gorgeous baritone voice one could imagine. I often wondered why he didn't sing in his natural voice as I felt he might have had more commercial success had he done so.
That celebrity I do miss. He was a good egg.
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