The Preparation of Death

I have recently come full circle. I have returned to where I began. I took notes for the last 50 years insuring I had records I could return to should I forget. What took years to understand, I understand. What I had no words for, no right to, no power against, I stand today with a straight spine. I learned my lessons well. I am ready for death.

What is a life? Is it time well spent? Is it spent consciously? Or do we spend it unconsciously hoping for the best?

I came full circle returning to what I knew best. I returned with lingering melancholia and an ever present lachrymose air. I returned looking, testing, hoping to see, wanting to see, if things had changed. They have. I returned with a strength I once did not have. I returned knowing I did not have to stay. I returned with the full knowledge that it was you and never me. That gem I tend to like large diamonds clutched close to my chest. I feel serene as if glowing with the accumulation of all things ancient and beautiful. I am the collected consciousness of all that the earth has known.

So what comes next? Practice makes perfect, they say. I am getting ready to die; practicing my life, perfecting it, tweaking it here and there so that when I go, I go knowing I came full circle and closed that gap, encircling myself in the lachrymosity that was simply me. Life is joyfully sad; a truth for me.

There are tears of joy and tears of sadness with each requiring me to greet my eyes out. Once the saltiness has subsided, things are always clearer. I feel content in this preparation to leave.

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